PLASTER OF PARIS - I woke up at 3 a.m. saw the face of Paris Hilton and thought the NFL is the Paris Hilton of sports. The league is mostly hype and chatter about not much of anything played by genetic deviants with a propensity for selfishness, self-centeredness with occasional forays into criminal activities with no chance of success like a Hail Mary into a hurricane.
Do you realize the impact one of these “stars” can make just by visiting a children’s hospital? And I don’t care about your tax deductible charitable foundation. I’m talking about showing up in person to interact with children who, because they can’t separate fantasy from reality, believe you are a star quality person.
There is a congressional committee listening to NFL veterans this week about how difficult it is to win a disability claim from the league. Guys on canes, others permanently bent over, still others on 10-second cerebral delay when processing information then crafting a response, are all testifying and suggesting the NFL be stripped of its antitrust protections which enables it as a corporation to do whatever it wants. There are 8,000 retired NFL players hobbling around and only 370 receiving some kind of disability. Stick that in your fantasy football lineup!
GENDER VERIFICATION - I can’t be the only person out there on the sports scene who has seen a woman from the front who looked like a man from the back and she walked away Renee Richards.
“Track woman have failed sex verification tests going back to the mid-60s,” I told my wife last week.
“What kind of tests?” she asked.
“Get naked in front of a panel of gynecologists and walk like a man to a Frankie Valli song test, that’s what kind.”
“And exactly what are they looking for?” Susan asked, as I grew uncomfortable, because no way I’m on that judging panel.
The test changed to genetics looking for that extra X then another test to look for the Y and all I can say is, if you are a man who wants to be a woman then by all means go for it, just stay out of the shot put circle.
This item is from Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia: “Sisters Tamara and Irina Press won five track and field Olympic gold medals for the Soviet Union and set 26 world records in the 1960s. Their careers suddenly ended when they failed to appear for gender testing at its introduction in 1966.”
I believe the Press sisters now work at a Doughnut Time somewhere in the United States.
HORSE HORMONES - I once had a friend on horse hormones, but I had to cut him loose saying, “That palomino is no pal of mino.”
The illegal proliferation of anabolic steroids, testosterone and growth hormones is a bigger danger to young people than crack, thanks to the shaky stature of the friendly neighborhood crackhead or the undernourished hollow look of the hard drug user. But steroid athletes look good and perform at high levels and that makes them dangerous. It’s not about sports records or hall of fames, but rather the contamination of sport by otherwise weak athletes and young people who will emulate them.
I like to ask people if they would drink a steroid smoothie everyday for five years for five million dollars a year? You will look good but need a size 8 ball cap.
Most people said they would, but I most definitely would not because my body is a White Tower filled with little hamburgers.
SUMMER CAMPS - You name the sport and there is a camp for it. And there are tournaments for most sports all over the place. And there are music camps and art classes and junior lifeguards. And parents want those summer reading lists sent home to their children as if in between camps and travel teams the kid is going to read 10 books which is nine more than they’ve read in a lifetime excluding Harry Potter.
If you want to do your children a favor, make them write, not longhand in some gay journal, but on a keyboard and saved to a folder and make it 200 words every day and not so personal they can’t read it out loud to you. Then you fix it as best you can because writing is real while reading can be faked.
SNIPPETS - Carrie Lingo was again selected to the 2007 National field hockey squad, after a week of play at the USA National Championships. Former Cape Henlopen and Princeton University standout Maren Ford was selected to a 9-member developmental squad. (These players can be called up for training sessions or other competitive opportunities with the National Squad!)
The Cape Takedown Club will be sponsoring its annual summer wrestling clinic on July 10-12 and July 17-19 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. The clinic will take place at Cape Henlopen High School. The clinic is being conducted by the Cape Henlopen High School wrestling staff, but will also feature special guests each night. The clinic is open to children ages 6-15. No experience is needed, but experienced wrestlers are encouraged to attend. The cost of the 12 hours of instruction is just $30. If you have questions, contact coach Chris Mattioni at 249-6457.
Girl’s lacrosse and field hockey camps will take place at Cape Henlopen State Park this July 15-19, July 22-26 and July 29-Aug. 2 There is space available for individuals or teams in grades 6-12, beginner to advanced, residential and day camp. For more information, call Frannie Slabonik at 610-855-8079.
The summer of 1999 I was in a rollover accident in the middle of the night on Route 13 on this very holiday weekend. I was packaged from the dirt and high weeds on the side of the road.
“Careful he’s a big one” said the paramedics who then asked me, “Were you unconscious?”
I asked like in remember the blackout? Then they asked if I knew what day it was. I did not. Then they asked me what my social security number was. I asked why would you ask a guy who doesn’t know the day for a nine digit number?
So I guess this is July 4 weekend with the Beach Paper Firecracker 5KL on Saturday, June 30, and the Dave Reynolds Rehoboth Biathlon on Sunday, July 1. I still don’t know what day the holiday is.
