LAND OF LOST COMPLIMENTS - I always call Joanne Woodruff “coach” because back in her day, which is still every day she was a West Chester Golden Ram athlete of some renown, while now as a mother of two high school-aged boys I see her in the gym and running races, officiating field hockey and coaching young girls in Atlantic lacrosse. A month ago I took a picture of Joanne completing a 5K, she smiled at the camera - or was that me - and I sent her herself in digitized splendor along with a message, “You can tell the real athletes from people who just work out.”
So far so good, except the photo was not of Joanne but of Kim Wagner, except I know Kim Wagner and it wasn’t the Kim Wagner I know, which doesn’t mean there isn’t another one. It turns out is the one who looks like Joanne Woodruff, not to be confused with Joanne Woodward who starred in the 1958 film “Long Hot Summer” which was about body heat without the 5K race, is Kim Wagner, a runner who set a personal record last Sunday in the J.D. Shucker’s 5K running 24:57 which was 20 seconds under her best time and about two minutes faster than when she began racing this summer. Kim does all the races in the Seven Sisters series and most of the races in the Seashore Striders series. Kim works for the state of Delaware in the Early Choices Child Development program.
POCKET FULL OF DIGITALS - Last Saturday for six hours as my ultra ego without amigos, “Emcee Hamburger,” I was pocket packing a cordless microphone, walkie-talkie, cell phone, iPod, wallet, notebook, two programs along with Nikon camera around my neck, doing my best to make the first-ever Delmarva Blue Crab Festival fall to the positive side of the “interesting to annoying” lifestyle continuum of human leisure activities.
I was announcing a hip-hop dance contest for contestants under 10, a Tykes on Trikes “Tracks of my Tears” figure eight demolition derby race, which defied my verbal powers of prerace instructions, a hula-hoop contest, a remote control flying exhibition all culminating in a comedy tent filled with Marylanders holding wooden hammers and whacking steamed-to-death crustaceans, shell shrapnel flying all over the place.
Erin Jackson, recently named the funniest person in Baltimore - a town not known for funny, but she was great, was followed by Kelly Terranova, former WGMD personality and Oreck Vacuum-selling personality who has now been a professional comedian for the last three years. Kelly is a great guy who threatens to make it big, so why doesn’t he stop choking me? A man eating the specialty “Crab Clown Stew” turned to his wife and asked, ”Does this taste funny to you?”
FEROCIUS PRECOCIOUS - I thought I saw 3-year-old, wearing only flip-flops and a pamper, stick his skinny arm into the free blood pressure cuff at Happy Harry’s and just watched the cuff constrict his brachial artery. His mom was nearby holding a plastic machine water gun. I was afraid of both of them. I waited for the kid to freak so I could help him remove his arm, but when it got to the limits of bearable tightness, he hit the red button which released the pressure and generated readings. What is normal BP and resting pulse rate for a three year old? Ask your pediatrician and watch him mumble.
ROLE MODELS ROLL - Cape High lost a couple of great guys and strong young role modeling men when Joe Raneir and his family split for North Carolina, while popular science teach Mike Boney accepted a job with the University of Delaware. The kids will miss both these men and will be disappointed not to find them on the rotating eight drop two rotating schedule which is their world.
SNIPPETS - Practices for fall sports begin on Wednesday Aug. 15. If you are an athlete and don’t know when and where your team starts practice, there is a good chance you don’t plan on showing up.
Have you noticed there are no Mike Vick and wet dog jokes going around? Just too sensitive and not funny.
The Phillies continue to entice the reluctant fans who have been burned too many times, but look at it this way: they appear to be a nice bunch of guys who enjoy the game and each other, so the rest of us should enjoy the ride, not to mention the slide of the Red sox.
Cup cakes with hot sprinkles are trendy as millions of smarty and relatively fit Americans are shouting, “I just want a freaking cup cake! I want to waver! Absolute dietary discipline is not admirable it is disgusting!”
Why does Toby Keith play the Harrington Fair? Because he understands that America is about small towns. That is where true loyalties reside. We are a nation of small towns connected by common interests.
After covering NFL football on site for the last decade, I’m convinced that NFL Inc. doesn’t care about small towns, just major markets, which make us small town stalkers of big town venues. I’m starting to develop an attitude “A Dude with a Tude” longing for the camaraderie of my small market friends, the driveway tailgate with garage high definition television, a couple of hounds, Weber grill, pellet rifle and empty Tide bottles.
Cape football will practice the first three days at 7 a.m. at the high school. Coach Dave McDowell welcomes assistants Tom Ott, Bob Hahn, Mike Denny, Todd Hachtall, Tony Taylor, Ken Hardy and Dave Marvel. Coach Mac is “off the hook” optimistic that this will be a very special year for Cape football.
Go on now, git!
