WEBSTER’S AND WIKIPEDIA - I was reading Cape’s 25-page position paper last Thursday night sent to the state Board of Education as an appeal to the ruling by DIAA that the Vikings must forfeit two years of basketball games because the burden of “legal guardianship” was not properly proved. It was a case of a star player living with a guardian who provided for his shelter and all other needs enjoyed by teenaged minors who would be otherwise homeless. A hearing is scheduled Monday, Oct. 15. “This is lame, I’m sorry to say,” I said to my wife. “It’s like a rejected ‘Law and Order’ script. I can’t believe they’re referencing Wikipedia and Webster’s online dictionary.”
This would be an Academic D if a law professor was in a good mood. Freaking online Wikipedia? Google me stupid, but isn’t that written by unknown experts without credentials? I expected attorney Craig Karsnitz to be better than this. See if I let him work pro bono for me anytime soon. It was only after my dumb butt read to the last page that I realized the position paper was drafted by the DIAA lawyer - not Karsnitz - as a justification for their original ruling which kicked a great kid to the curb without thoroughly investigating the exigent circumstances of his unique living and life circumstances.
“Why are you talking like a bad lawyer?” my wife Susan asked me.
“I don’t know, I thought you wanted to.”
“No, I don’t want to,” she said.
“Suit yourself. I’m easy.”
(Dr. Frankenstein vs. Igor 1974, Wikipedia)
TOUR DE DONAHUE - I was at Mariner Wednesday morning only because the second grade walk and squawk Rehoboth trip to the fire station was cancelled and my chaperone self was downgraded to inactive. I snapped Athlete of the Week photos and loved meeting and talking to the athletes. Then I thought I’d kick with principal Brian Donahue, you know, like two football guys in an office. But he had me in the hallways meeting kids and teachers and then it was the unscheduled tour during classes as Brian bragged about his teachers. I could see everyone was engaged, there was talk of strategies to improve overall test scores and I wanted to interrupt.
“Brian, I don’t care. I’m just the sports guy now and even when I wasn’t I didn’t care about tests. That’s why I am a writer, because if I don’t know what I’m talking about, the readers are often the last to know.” I love visiting all the Cape schools, which I do all the time, and I’m happy so many families with talented children elect to stay Vikings.
A FUNNY KID - LeBron James wore a Yankees cap to a playoff game in Cleveland and the next day the extended sports media couldn’t stop debating it.
Some years ago I wore a Tower Hill green colored shirt to a Cape lacrosse game versus the Hillers. I was temporarily behind the Cape bench until Coach Mark D’Ambrogi asked me to leave as I represented a bad omen or bad omelet or something scary from his superstitious past.
LeBron is funny, has a great personality and the characters he plays in commercials and “Saturday Night Live” are hilarious. I always found Jordan and Ripkin to be flat personalities and not very interesting. Now Tony Gwynn in the baseball booth is not flat but round and sounds like Mike Tyson’s cousin with an education. Tony was wardrobe adjusted - no more fat boy shirts - and he’s not Joe Morgan but he’s a good analyst. I like the Baby Backs and Indians to make it through to the World Series, but the Red Sox are the best bet to win it all.
SHORE STOP - A field hockey game scheduled to be played on Nov. 4 at Hudson Fields billed as a Middle School Frolic featuring north versus south is not a Mariner versus Beacon game. It is a fundraiser and even a fun-raiser, but there is no scheduled game this year between Cape’s two middle schools and no amount of circumvention is going to change that.
I watched both undefeated teams play last week and I think Beacon is better because my granddaughter is on the team. No, actually, I think Mariner is better because their coach, Mike Luciano, thinks it’s a football team. I’d like the game sanctioned and settled on the field turf at Legends Stadium under the lights. We paid enough money – let’s start having some fun with the product. Just schedule the stupid thing! It’s our house and our family and beats the heck out of stupid travel teams nobody cares about!
REAL STORIES - I am all for the individual’s right to enhance their own self worth by surgery or chemical alteration. I mean we don’t bust fat people eating Vienna Fingers or alcoholics in bars, so let’s not pretend we care when we don’t. But, as a writer, if I get into a person’s story I will not ignore the obvious.
“How long have you been taking drugs to help with muscle development?” is a question I’m asking if I know it’s part of the profile. There are a lot of bad role models out there in fitness land and true, I may be one of them, but at least I’m drug-free and not entering contests. And seriously, if “Two Hour Treadmill Anorexic” is using my gym to idealize their already distorted body image, I am kicking them out before they contaminate sane people. I also go after stories that end badly.
“You were the greatest of players and now it’s all about drugs plus you’re on the lam from the police.”
“I ain’t on no lam. You see a lamb here? Your country boys know about being on the lamb, not me.”
“You’re right - never mind.”
SNIPPETS - Eagles at Jets on Sunday, and trust me, this is a game the Jets feel they can win. Whoever wins this game will establish the loser as really horrible, and if the Eagles fall to 1-4 fans will be calling for Andy Reid’s head. But don’t expect Reid to step down just because his sons are criminally inclined idiots. They are the ones who need to step down, not dad.
Upset special of the weekend: I’m picking Cape football over St. Mark’s just like the man who picked Notre Dame over UCLA. Call it a hunch!
