MANIC MARIE - This is the time of the year for in-house company where one might find himself doing a sit-down family lunch - what is lunch? - or spending a lost evening watching that moronic “Millionaire” show or the ridiculous “Dancing With the Stars” featuring Marie Osmond who is all the way off the hook and out of her mind. Why not exploit her insecurities and have the 46-year-old do the rumba with some Latin Ricky Martin wannabe?
Marie comes from the Church of Latter-day Saints, and if I saw her on my porch and she wasn’t holding a pizza box, I would not answer the door.
A-ROD A NIMROD - In cultural slang a dithering dipstick! I don’t like this athlete who is greedy beyond belief, but at least he was rewarded by being named American League MVP and now the Yankees are going to re-sign him to a $275 million contract over 10 years so he can stay on pace for more than 800 home runs. Meanwhile, let me be the first to say his hat size is bigger than when he first started playing, and if you don’t believe me, compare photos like you did with Bonds when it was five years beyond obvious. Everyone who is too fit to be real and doesn’t publish a workout book is under a cloud of suspicion in my world.
TABLOID TRASH - WIP radio in Philadelphia exists for the purpose of trashing the Eagles and promoting the Wing Bowl. And that is fine, but where it becomes hypocritical is when celebrated radio heads do it off a press box credential sitting in a warm swivel seat with wireless access while eating free food provided by the Eagles.
Invite someone to Thanksgiving dinner then listen to them trash the living room set bought on time from Johnny Janosik’s, or make fun of your children - or worse - your dog.
“Excuse me is that a static cobweb mop in the shape of a Yorkie-poo or is it an actual dog?”
Most print journalists are too cozy with the teams they cover, serving more as positive publicity agents of the team rather than providing a critical analysis. That’s why when I hit the concession stands of Cape I am always told, “Your money is no good around here Fredman, just like your checks.”
HELMET TO HELMET - Where have all the rock-hard and lightning-quick defensive assassins gone in the National Football League? Why not defensive backs, who are not short and undersized, but rather ones who are 6-foot-3, weigh 220 pounds and run 4.4 and are flat out mean. That guy, if he were out there, would have four pictures inside his locker. The top row would have smiling Brady and Romo and right beneath them Owens and Moss. Late hits and cheap shots used to be part of the game until the marquee millionaires were offered protections by rules. No wonder they’re always smiling. That you can’t chuck a receiver after he has cleared the five-yard zone or ring the bell of a quarterback after the ball is released serves what purpose?
Remember when Lance Rentzel of the 1970 Cowboys was arrested for indecent exposure? The Cowboys released him and the next year Lance was on the Rams and the only thing worse than the hits from defensive backs were the jokes. His 1972 book, “When All The Laughter Died in Sorrow,” is the most different sports book of all the ones your high-definition self has never read.
BAY BALL CLASSIC 2007 - The field is set for the Bay Ball Classic to be held Dec. 26 through Dec. 30, at Cape’s Little Big House. The website has been updated and all pertinent in-depth information can be found at bayballclassic.org. A daily pass is just $5, and if you flash your Food Lion, SuperFresh or Super G card, it’s still $5.
A Delaware team to watch in the tournament is Woodbridge, coached by Damon Ayers and John Bishop. They are in the Cape Ferry Division while host Cape Henlopen is in the First State Division. A weekly pass for only $15 dollars makes a great Christmas gift and makes you someone’s hero on the cheap.
SNAGGING TICKETS - I don’t do tickets, only credentials, but as an agent for a friend I pursued two tickets for the Friday Delaware State at Delaware game and all my inside contacts at both schools came up empty, which only proved they ain’t no real players. Just kidding - the only real players are the ones with their hands on the roll of tickets. This game should have been sent out of state to Penn’s Franklin Field or to Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia.
Are you telling me that 25,000 Delawareans are choosing football over shopping?
SNIPPETS - I still don’t like ESPN hijacking the Delaware State at Delaware game, and then having the NCAA move the game to Friday to accommodate whatever storyline ESPN wants to pursue for four hours of prime time airtime. This is a state of Delaware story about a game lots of citizens have wanted to see played for a long time. An equal number of people would rather not see it played, because if Delaware should falter it may take 80 years to prove it was a fluke.
I still think DIAA, the governing body regulating scholastic sports in Delaware, should have a “whoops rule” which throws out the forfeiture penalty for clerical oversights or mistakes and in its place requires a thousand dollar donation to Delaware Special Olympics.
The “Tech Toss Out” was just way harsh - a penalty on young athletes, even the once bitten twice shy Brandywine Bulldogs. I’m sure those field hockey girls didn’t want to be in - and lose to - Tower Hill in the finals under those circumstances.
I was ineligible for three basketball games my junior year in high school because I failed Conduct, but got my grade back up in third marking period. But then I failed for the year and had to go to summer school with the rest of the Conduct flunkies. It was the best class with best people and I learned so much about how to write funny.
