Beauty tips continued
Turns out I am not alone in my quest to age gracefully with unwanted hair. Jim writes, “Hi Lisa. Just read your last column and almost choked on my beer from laughter. Kathy says husbands should tell you about those white hairs on your neck, but they won’t. My thought...we don’t want to sleep on the couch.
“Guys also have a ‘beauty’ problem: nose hairs that suddenly flourish overnight …and that white chest hair that snakes out and over my T-shirt collar like some alien tendril....just sayin’.”
Then there was this response from Karine. “When I read your column. I thought you were talking about me. The trick is to follow the sun. I walk around my house to see which of my 10 windows provides the best light. This is exhausting. My problem is that I am blind without my glasses.
I have noticed that natural light works best. I now keep my magnifying mirror and tweezers in the side pocket of the car door to help me pluck on road trips while my husband drives the car. This only works if he eases his foot to brake the automobile before I impale the implement. But he is accustomed to me yelling, “Slow down!” Thirty-seven years now of yelling, and he still says, “What’s wrong?”
What I want now is a driver’s ed car with brakes on the passenger side in the front seat.
On my birthday last week I received a package from my young beautiful daughter who suggests I use natural products. She sent “Botanics Microdermabrasion Polish Age Defense, Super Serum Age Defense and Rich Body Butter which hydrates with Murumuru Butter.” I want to get paid to create these names.
Murumuru Butter is pressed from the reddish-orange fruits of the Astrocaryum murumuru tree. This tall palm tree is native to Brazil and other regions of the Amazon. I am not making this up. I Googled it.
What I don’t understand is why I have lost all of my eyebrow hairs? I don’t need tweezers. I need a hair transplant.
For the past five years I have been getting my eyebrows dyed when I get my hair colored. Now I need to draw them on altogether which is impossible if you need your reading glasses to see what you are doing. Forget magic erasers - I need a magic applicator of some sort if I don’t want my brows painted above the frames.
I was lamenting this to the beauty expert at the hair salon who suggested that I get my brows permanently applied like a tattoo.
“That doesn’t seem natural,” I said. I was sitting with my hair matted in blonde dye. She began to laugh uncontrollably.
“I’ll call you,” I said wondering about the cost. My husband would be happy to stencil them on for free.
There is no such thing as natural beauty unless you are a newborn baby or a toddler or a teenager. Maybe. But us older retired folk need to just accept the fact that life is all about aging. Just enjoy the journey. The journey to the hairdresser, the doctor, and to happy hour where we all look good to one another.
Write to me, lgraff1979@gmail.com.
