Birds are an important part of our life around here. However, they do know when you don't have a bird feeder.
They are crafty about stuff like that. Oh, it's not just about flying over someone's property and not being able to stop for a bite. It's actually part of their mission statement to make sure every lot owner has a bird feeder. Meetings and rallies are held for action and moral support.
"OK, everyone, let's line up and force these people to get to the home improvement store. Cardinals are up front, next the yellow finches, and are there any orioles here? Raise your hands. Red-wing blackbirds, you'll have to do..."
As soon as they spot the owner outside, the bird lineup uses subliminal techniques.
These consist of flying around and singing, "This land is your land, this land is my land, From California to the New York island, From the redwood forest to the Gulf Stream water, This land was made for you and me."
If that doesn't make you run to your nearest home goods store to buy something made in the USA, I don't know what will.
Immediately upon sensing this tune, I ran to the front of the house and raised my flag, then called the recruiting office and tried to join the army and lastly found myself on Route 1 headed to Home Depot.
It was there that I found the mother lode of birdhouses. I was immediately drawn to the replica of Thomas Jefferson's house, Monticello.
It had floor-to-ceiling windows, was hand painted and had beautiful columns surrounding the front.
Yes, this was the American birdhouse I dreamed of owning. Of course Wi-Fi and the 65-inch television were optional.
And now for the bird food, you'll need a back brace and a U-Haul truck. It comes in 40-pound bags and there usually is plenty of help at the loading dock.
I went home and filled the bird feeder. It was very exciting. I also learned to drink coffee, since most bird watchers love to say, "As I was having my morning coffee, I saw a purple crested whatever...."
And so I waited and waited and waited. No birds. Perhaps word hadn't gotten out yet. I waited all the next day. Nothing. I couldn't figure out what was the problem.
And then I heard the tune:
"Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam. And the deer and the antelope play. Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word. And the skies are not cloudy all day. Home, home on the range..."
Of course! The bird feeder was politically incorrect. It was too showy, too rich and way out of my league.
No one is supposed to have money today.
So I headed back in the car to the home center. After perusing up and down the aisles, I found it. The birdhouse was on sale. It was just a low-priced home, with a cracked window and a door hanging off the front.
Perfect. I picked up a bag of vegan, latte, low-foam bird seed and I was golden.
Birds need to be fed all year round. When you take them on, you should also pick up an application for a home equity loan.
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Nancy Katz has a degree in creative writing and is the author of the book, "Notes from the Beach." She has written the column Around Town for the Cape Gazette for twenty years. Her style is satirical and deals with all aspects of living in a resort area on Delmarva.
