Fifty years of stupid lineman tricks, now the duck moonwalk
Cross training - We all know the punishing duck walk and the knee-popping moonwalk. Put them together and you have the duck walk in reverse, but in nature, ducks never walk backward; they are designed to waddle to water. I laughed when I walked out to Legends Stadium and saw all 6-foot-5 of Devin Miller waddling in reverse. I asked him if he lost an insurance claim to Aflac. But all seriousness aside, football coaches have hurt at least as many big players as they have helped with the punishing duck walk, maybe followed by running stadium steps and the dreaded plyometrics. According to WebMD, a sure tip-off that plyometrics is not for you, “You’ll do a series of jumps and hops, like jump squats or one-leg hops.” These exercises are recommended every other day. Grand Mom Rose: “How can your body know what day it is when you don’t?”
Stellar student athletes - Brandon Nixon, a 6-foot-2, 265-pound rising senior, is a football player and stellar student. He’s Ivy League material, talking to Yale, Harvard and Dartmouth, with a 670 math score on the SAT pushing 1800 over three scores. He lifts 405 pounds on the bench, and throws shot put in the spring. He’s a team leader. Brent Reed is Ivy material as well. Dartmouth, Princeton and Columbia are looking at him; he’s hoping to reach 1900 in cumulative SAT. This 6-foot-6, 235-pound kid has a certified 320-pound lift in bench and he also plays lacrosse. Also a team leader. Take pride in these guys because they are also just really nice young men.
Just get out - My brother Tom, a Penn State tackle, was in summer camp with the Detroit Lions in 1966 trying to beat out Alex Karas, Roger Brown or Larry Hand, all eventual all-pro players. I remember Tom telling me about a fourth-round draft choice who just killed it at the combine and looked like a 6-foot-5, 290-pound bodybuilder. Defensive players lined up for the ludicrous hit and forearm every other pad on the seven-man sled drill, spinning out into a 360 turn after every blow delivered. The guy hit, spun and fell down repeatedly. Finally, after much laughing and pointing in public (it was fun back then), the coaches said, “Just get out. Enjoy your signing bonus, but please just take off.”
Fishing for compliments - If an athlete fishes for compliments, is it a sign of insecurity, or perhaps they just need reassurance or to be loved? As a player, I never fanned the flames of a whiny teammate. “I’m not as good as you,” “No, you are not!” “I missed a block that cost us the game.” “Yes, you did.” “The coach doesn’t like me.” “No, he doesn’t. Nobody likes you.” Otherwise, that athlete just never stops fishing. Sometimes you have to give people what they don’t want until they discover that what they feared isn’t so bad. As Grand Mom Rose said: ”At the end of the day you know what most people care about?” “What?” “Not you, that’s what.”
Downward dog - I can get behind the Phillies being underdogs, going out and battling every game. Since the all-star game, the team is 5-1; of course the game most of us watched was the 1-0 loss to Tampa because that was the debut of pitcher Aaron Nola. I’ve been watching the Nationals and Orioles, abandoning the team of my boyhood, which makes me a quitter and fair-weather fan or perhaps just a free agent. I just want to watch a team that battles, scratches and claws and wins once in awhile. Underdog is good, downward dog not so good.
Rules of engagement - My observation: “if you can afford to chase a sports scholarship, then you don’t need one.” The rules don’t change; it’s the circumnavigation, what I call the Magellan Factor. And I’m not complaining, just trying to understand. A coach cannot contact a player until July after their junior year. But the college coach or designee can contact a high school or club coach who tells their athlete then the athlete makes contact “on their own” and deals are struck, as in non-binding verbal commitments that get pretty specific. Coaches themselves don’t like how this process has evolved, but they are all in the game, even recruiting eighth-graders. It’s like backing a gasoline truck up to a bonfire. That goes for all the sports. There are no doubt some winners in this system, but way more disappointments. In modern parlance, “It is what it is,” but mostly “It is what it isn’t,” at least for most people.
Snippets - I have never missed a deadline since I started writing this column in 1982. And I’ve never taken a vacation, except once to Ireland where I wrote a column from an internet cafe in Dublin. But this summer, I’ve been at 50 percent of my normal show-up rate. Maybe I’m slowing down - no maybe about it - I’m settling into a slow and even pace. Thinking of the B.B. King song, “Ain’t nobody’s business if I do.” Go on now, git!
