Goats and goalies travel in pairs, are better together

Goats and goalies - Katie Kulhlman, a former Cape track star who is now running cross country at Delaware, lived on a farm with 200 goats. KK told me goats make great pets, but you always have to get two because they get lonely and have high anxiety if left alone. I can make an equivalency connection to sports with goalies; they usually pal around together, and surprisingly get along and support one another. Cape varsity field hockey goalies this season are junior Izzy Mekulski and freshman Myla Smith. Back in 2012, when Cape defeated Caravel 2-1 in a semifinal game at Wesley College, a TV reporter asked Christina “Cabbage Patch” Gooding, dressed in her goalie garb, if she was the goalie and could answer a few questions. Tina, a sophomore, answered his questions even though she didn’t play in the game. Katie Kolobielski, a junior, was the No. 1 goalie who actually played in the game. Tina was the starting goalie in 2014 when Cape won the state title, beating Polytech 3-1 in the finals. Riley Shields was the backup – not sure if she did post-game interviews. Riley led Cape to a perfect 19-0 record and state title in 2015. Now let me stop this dissertation before I have to defend my thesis. 

Lumbering lollygagging legend - I came through the tunnel at Legends Stadium for Saturday's middle school field hockey play day. Booster mommies of the western world asked me if I needed anything from the concession stand. I answered, “I probably do," and ended up downing a hot dog like Joey Chestnut. I said to no one in  particular, “I should be at Delcastle covering the football game but instead I’m here covering a middle school field hockey play day.” Dot Moore, a sophomore, said, “You seem more like a field hockey guy, Fredman.” I commenced to move out like a cattle driver when Gen Z offered to carry my green stool. Brooke Zolper is 10 years old. I could stop searching for a heart of gold because I found one in Brooke. By the time we reached the 50-yard line, I dropped about 25 Zolper names looking for kid credibility. Right behind Brooke was Dot Moore with a cold bottle of water. I looked across the field to see Legends coach George Pepper sitting on the Mariner bench. Between us, we have double-digit state championship banners clasped onto the chain-link fences of Legends Stadium. But on a perfect Saturday morning, we were like the two old guys from “The Muppet Movie.”    

Laid-back ball - Cape’s high school players officiated the middle school games at the play day Saturday. There were two ways that could have gone the wrong way: overzealous enforcement of the rules – that didn’t happen – or a more laid-back and quietly efficient enforcement of obvious infractions. However, not much is obvious if you haven’t played the sport. And potentially off-the-hizzy parents aren’t about to yell at high school girls because if you do, someone is coming for you like Family Feud with hockey sticks.  

Whack-a-Doodles - If you are a whack daddy who relentlessly shouts and complains at games other than football, where noise is muffled by bands, cheerleaders and thematically dressed game-day students, then everyone who was at the game and endured a four-quarter barrage of whininess knows your name and feels sorry for the people you are shouting to protect. It’s the job of the host school to tamp that down and put fans on social suspension if that is necessary.     

DraftKings- I could use a new wireless all-in-one printer, but I don’t upgrade because I prefer not to be annoyed by the setup process, which involves crazy passwords on multiple devices and invisible Wi-Fi data bits going from room to room like no-see-ums at the Little League park. That is one reason I don’t gamble on sporting events. I just have no idea how it works. And I would never promote gambling even if my career depended upon it. Gambling is part of the addiction matrix. I’ve known people who have had their cars blown up for unpaid debts, and the gambler has no codependents because everybody is broke.

Snippets - Watching college football games on multiple channels is like watching reruns of “Dumb and Dumber,” which I never made it through once. Players just do undisciplined dumb stuff all day long that costs teams ball games, and the officials should not be allowed to kill big plays because some illegal portal-of-entry transfer decides to shove the quarterback during an interception return for a touchdown. I don’t have an answer, I only know what I like and what I don’t. Wilson Ingerski (Cape), a freshman at Shippensburg University, kicked a 25-yard, game-winning field goal as the Red Raiders beat Clarion University 24-21 Sept. 14. Checking college sports rosters, I know that when two players have the same number, they both may make the game-day program, but there’s no chance both will play. Go on now, git!