Hope springs eternal as winter drags on

We are all looking for the hope of saying hello sunshine, goodbye winter as soon as possible. Sure, we have the old-fashioned way of looking for that nod. It used to be that red, red robin bob bob bobbing along the still-brown lawn looking for that ripe worm.

Well there is no robin, it’s not red and there is no bobbing along. After bitterly cold temps, that robin is wearing a puffy coat, waiting in line for a flight to the Caribbean. Forgettaboutit!

You could be delusional with cabin fever by now. I’m not preconditioned for this because I have no fever and I have never been near a cabin, just for that reason. There is no Xanax left on the pharmacy shelves; most of it has been trucked into Boston and given by firefighters by hose to residents sitting on roofs.

But scientists, seers and sensitives agree this type of hope is far more accurate. I saw it the other day - the first sign of spring crossed in front of me on the sidewalk in Rehoboth. It was a man wearing tight short shorts over blindingly milk-white legs and thick black knee socks encased in sandals. Honest! Now you can’t get more precise than that. I would have taken a photo for documentation, but it was snowing a little too much to bring him into focus. Sure, anyone can wear shorts in warm temperatures, but at this time of year and with those white legs, it was an unmistakable sign.

And just to confirm my suspicion that spring was around the corner, I was in my back yard when I noticed another sign of the changing seasons, rotting wood. That’s right, when the snow and rain clear the area, you will notice your whole house may be missing shingles, gutters, antenna, mother-in-law and actually some rooms. Weather will do that; it will strip your belongings bare.

One minute you are chatting with your neighbor, leaning against the side of your house, and the next minute you are lying in molecules of sawdust, spitting out splinters of wood and picking them out of your hair.

The thing you have to do here is get to your nearest home improvement center and buy a bunch of tools and duct tape, since the only repair item you probably have in your home is a set of eyebrow tweezers. It’s not important to be specific; any tools will do. In fact, I would purchase one of those giant kits that is capable of repairing a stealth bomber. You never know. The important point is to look like you know what you are doing when you check out at the loading dock.

I would name drop a few items like socket wrenches, an eighth of an inch and the really big one, trigeminal rotating atomic screwdrivers. That ought to quiet down the people in line. I got this knowledge from reading lots of fix-it manuals; well, actually it’s from a guy named Bubba who liked to blow a lot of things up.

You have to be careful around salespeople in these stores; if they even suspect you are an amateur there will be calls over the PA system to other store employees in a secret language that sounds like two dolphins mating. It’s a dead giveaway.

Anyway, once you arrive home, you will need to assess the damage and make a reasonable plan to fix whatever has been eaten away by our ecosystem or vegan-type insects that have set up temporary sales offices.

Spread out your tools so the neighbors think you are hard at work. Then as a safety measure, I would duct tape the entire house; large craters in the middle of the living room are so unattractive.

You can always Google a repair man; they usually are pretty reasonable, of course, that’s after they stop rolling around on the ground and holding their sides from laughter.

Or, the heck with it, just go with the milk-white legs and black socks; it’s a happier sign, believe me.