Love (not) at first sight brings couple together to navigate Alzheimer’s

Jeff and Janet May were destined to be a couple. But both would have scoffed at the notion when they worked closely together in the mid-1980s as employees for NYNEX Business Information Systems Company in White Plains, N.Y. Jeff represented sales and was fiercely customer oriented. Janet represented material support, which had her focused on the process end of the business. “To say we didn’t get along was a gross understatement,” said Jeff of their working relationship.

Destiny was at play early on, as they started with the company on the same day – June 29, 1970 – but in different departments. However, they wouldn’t meet until nearly 15 years later. “Conflict was inevitable and constant,” recalled Jeff. Things changed in 1992, when Janet and Jeff were scheduled to help dissolve the company and go their separate ways to work for other divisions.

Instead of taking diverging paths, the two became friends. It all started on Jan. 8, 1992, when Jeff took Janet to a “Star Trek” movie and for coffee afterward. They have been inseparable ever since. To this day, Janet remains Jeff’s very best friend, and the two eventually married.

When they both retired seven years ago, Jeff and Janet moved to an over-55 community in Millsboro. With Jeff’s children grown, the pair looked forward to traveling and cruising, and spending time at home with their three Siamese cats. “Life was good,” Jeff said. But things turned downward in 2019. Jeff knew something wasn’t right when Janet went to pick up some medicine at the vet’s office – a place she’d been to a couple dozen times before. Janet called Jeff to say she was lost.

A few weeks later, while on a cruise with longtime friends and travel companions, Janet experienced challenges. She was detached, disoriented, distracted and confused. Upon arriving home, Jeff took Janet to a neurologist, and she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She was in her early 70s.

Today, Jeff is doing everything he can to help his wife and others in the process. As a self-proclaimed “joiner,” Jeff attended an Alzheimer’s Association education program last year and is now in training to become a volunteer community educator. “I want to contribute, and I want to understand how best to help Janet,” said Jeff. Acknowledging that men often have trouble asking for support, his advice to male caregivers is to build a support network and make plans for the future. Jeff is currently doing research to accommodate future needs, keeping in mind their three beloved cats Archie, Leo and Ariel, which are integral to Janet’s daily emotional well-being.

Jeff said while some days can be difficult, he will always be there for the long haul for his wife and best friend, as they now travel on their Alzheimer’s journey together.

For more information about Alzheimer's disease and other dementia, contact the Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline at 800-272-3900 or visit alz.org/delval.