Med ball slams annoying but excellent total body workout
Ralph and Cottonmouth - Captain Safety, one of my personalities, wants to develop a pair of cartoon kids whose adventures include endurance sports and membership on several travel teams. Parents crazed and dazed and cranked off caffeine would always be present inside the shadows of Ralph and Cottonmouth and their friends Dee Hydration and Priscilla Tendonitis. Parents would yell encouraging quips like, “You can do it, you've got to want it!" or "Just a little farther and then you can pass out.” I watch more runners and racers finish than anyone in the history of civilization, which explains one of my other personalities, Big Loser Boy. Over a weekend two-day period I saw three kids throw up, two rock the puffer fish pout and threaten to heave ho, and another five with cottonmouth, more commonly seen on fat adults who talk too much without getting a glass of water. I'll go on the record and say at the first sign of physical distress, a child should be pulled off the race course. Adults are allowed to be stupid; it is their right to run to oblivion. Kids are cool - they just come hot easily, and I don't to want to be standing there with my dumb camera when one of them crashes.
Med ball slams - I am rolling and ranting through this column, which for me is fun. Last week while under headphones at Club Fitness drinking my egg white protein mixed into orange Gatorade concoction, I noticed a 40-something dude with slicked-back hair wearing a beater. He kept slamming a hard rubber ball two-handed into the floor. The same slam would get a basketball player a technical foul and a two-game ejection. I thought it looked stupid; it was definitely annoying and I assumed the guy was a poser. So I went Facebook funny and learned from the recently certified trainer posse that if “med ball slams” are done correctly, it is an excellent total-body workout. So are melon balls; just schedule a designated driver before the workout. I countered that so is punching pizza dough or rolling a vaulted ceiling with an extension pole. Now, if you don't mind, I have some lunges to do.
Paybacks - An investment in yourself pays back every day whether it’s education, fitness or just plain niceness. Back in 1981, Tecola Gibbs was a student athlete at Cape, always smart yet skeptical, always respectful, and every bus ride to an away track meet was her own personal house party. Last Friday night, Tecola and invited friends - I made the cut- gathered to celebrate her recent graduation from college. I was a scheduled speaker but arrived 40 minutes late because, unlike the rest of the room, I was still on 1963 North Philly CP time. Matt Carter of Quest Fitness got to the microphone as the trainer who helped Tecola lose 60 pounds. Tecola herself was the hammer, saved me for last and wanted to know why I kicked her off the track bus in 1981. Bill Collick came to the rescue and asked Tyrone Woodyard to crank up the school bus and take Tecola for a final reconciliation bus ride. And then the dance floor filled up and the electric slide began to snap. If it had been boot scoot boogie, I'd have sprinted out of there.
Snippets - The problem with Philadelphia fans is many of them talk of championships long before the season is over or - in the case of the Eagles - before it even begins. The New York Yankees are the most impressive franchise in professional sports history because they mostly defend their reputation. The Yankees have won 27 World Championships; the Phillies have won two.
The Steelers have won the Super Bowl six times, the Cowboys five times. The Eagles have won the Super Bowl one less time than the New Orleans Saints. I'd say Philadelphia fans should forget about destination and worry about evaporation.
Sports generates lots of beer commercials, most of which center on young men being put down by bar babes for not drinking a certain brand of light beer. Look, light beer isn't real beer anyway, which is good, really, because it cuts down on drunks.
No beer is manly, so why is peer beer pressure in a commercial a good idea? And will someone explain to me why I have to be eligible for an upgrade to purchase a different phone from the same provider?
Sports fans need smartphones for snagging scores, text updates sent or received, photo and video transmissions from games. It's all about sports, but eligible for an upgrade? Since when did the customers spending more money require a contract lawyer? Go on now, git!
