On the road to visit family

Plumb tuckered out from traveling 1,300 miles through seven states to see old family and new. At long last I am about to cross over the bay bridge toward my sweet home in Delaware.

A few weeks ago I wrote about retirees living in an assisted living facility, but some of my husband's family and mine are aging in place. Since they are no longer able to drive, we feel a need to check in on them.

My mother's cousin Jean, age 93, lives in Silver Spring, Md., in a house built in 1955 that has fallen into disrepair. Recently one of her two sons quit his job to stay at home with her and become her sole caregiver. I watched him cut up her tuna salad sandwich into small bites and feed it to her while we listened to workers tearing up the old roof above our heads.

It was deemed necessary to remove the old roof by the state health inspector, but her Social Security check is not going to cover the cost of the roof. Her children can't afford to keep her in a nursing home where she has lived for the past two years. Her son says, "I didn't think they were taking good care of her. We were paying money for her to eat hotdogs and beans."

Jean is my mother's first cousin, and since my mother was an only child they were like sisters. Jean was at every family gathering my whole life growing up but after my mother died, it seemed we lost track of one another.

I brought her a bouquet of fall flowers. I showed her pictures of my family on my cell phone. She has dementia, but she knew who I was. She said my name and laughed out loud when I reminded her that she once pushed my mother down the stairs.

In Tennessee, we visited my husband's aunt and uncle, ages 89 and 90, who still live at home and have decided to age in place. They had no children of their own, so we are the ones who check in on them. They have the financial means to move into any assisted living complex anywhere in the world, but they want to stay home where they can look at the mountains and feed the deer in the backyard.

Despite whatever we think may happen to us when we get older, we really don't know if we will be able to take care of ourselves or for how long. What will happen to us if we survive our spouse? These lovebirds are alive in part because they have had each other for over 60 years. He drove the big tractor and she drove the little one.

Time and time again I hear friends talk about their struggle with a parent's health. Some say they wish their parents would move to an assisted living closer to their own home so they could check on them with regularity. But is it fair to expect them to give up their known environment? I don't know.

The sweetest part of the trip was checking in on our son's family and the birth of our third granddaughter. I got to read 50 books to her big sister. We put leaf boats in the creek to see how far they could float.

While we were checking in on our aunt and uncle, a video call came in from our son so his 2-year-old could wish her great-uncle a happy birthday. Today's technology is helping to keep families united. Grateful to kiss the young and the old faces. Grateful to be almost home.