Spring break is time for students to catch up on sleep

It’s a rite of passage, that well-known ritual called spring break. This is when colleges and schools give students, teachers and especially janitors a respite from the rigors of academics. Well, maybe in someone else’s world. The only rigor going on here is picking parents up off the floor after they find out the kids will be back home.

Just for a moment consider the college student. Most of them will find the transition difficult also, for they will have to leave the comfort of their communal couches, which are usually located on the front lawn of the dorm. Some will head back to their parental home. There the student will fall into a deep coma. Of course his parents will take their child’s vital signs every day to make sure they are still alive. As Freud once said, “A tax deduction is a tax deduction.” So you have to keep a vigilant eye on your investment.

If there is a family pet, such as a dog, particularly if it is a large black one, then the animal will attach itself like an amoeba to a host, thinking the child is a long-lost dog relative, perhaps a brother-in-law from the Labrador side of the family, simply because they have the same sleeping habits, which is all day, every day, until the semester starts up again. They will eat together, watch “Judge Judy” together and even text together, since the dog probably has swallowed at least one iPhone in his lifetime and the directions are now embedded in his stomach.

I always used to take photos whenever my kids came home on spring break. I have a whole album of strange-looking young adults wearing mustaches, sporting beards and other people’s clothing, encased in torn Hawaiian shirts, barefoot and draped in beads. I’m not sure if it was back in the ‘60s or if they were majoring in theater. The album is tucked away in the attic, which is bad luck for the people who bought my last house. Let’s hope they don’t come across it; owning a home is enough of a scare.

Well, not everyone chooses to come home for spring break. A lot of kids head out for an experience that will add to their knowledge of the world, like the open seas for the adventure of communing with nature and breathing the salt air.

Unfortunately, that adventure usually involves a place in the line for the cruise ship buffet and the opportunity to pour a large quantity of alcohol into a girl’s belly button when she just happens to be prone on the bar on the same cruise.

Scientists are now studying the blood samples from this group, since they never appear to come down with typical illnesses that may happen on cruises, such as airborne viruses and sea sickness.  It could be the large amounts of items gorged on at the buffet, after an all-night casino game, but more than likely it has to do with the embalming qualities of alcohol they consume.

Still, the wet T-shirt contest sites are popular retreats in the sun-drenched Caribbean for those seeking relief from the stress of campus life. I’ve heard those college archaeology classes are murder on your body.  There seem to be an inordinate amount of bruises and head injuries from falling face down on the desk in another deep sleep.

Still, there are plenty of kids who work hard over their spring break, helping others and performing work that makes a difference at charities and similar causes. Not everyone considers this a party break. There is zero to slim chance one of these types of kids will show up on my family tree though.

There is one golden rule if you have a college student home for spring break. Never ever mention the word “job” unless you have an allergy kit readily available for anaphylactic shock reactions. Good luck with that.