What do women talk about?

Retired people have loads of time to talk to other retired people. I don’t know what men talk about with their friends, but women talk about their grown children same as they did when they were little and toddling around the swing set.

We compared notes when they entered first grade, tried out for a sports team and ventured off to college. Did you give your child a credit card? We conferred with other mothers about wedding planning, employment, the job market, and sometimes what to do when they came back home to live for awhile.

Now I’ve noticed women ask each other: Do you have children? Where do they live? How often do you get to see them?

The women who live the closest to their kids are often the envy of everyone else.

“My Stephen moved just down the street. He and his wife come to dinner every Sunday.”  Wide grin.

“My daughter Erica lives two hours north of here and my son Eric lives two hours south of here. We retired to Delaware which is right in the middle!” Smile, smile, smile. They wait to be congratulated.

Mothers whose children and grandchildren live far away are often regarded with pity, allotted a furrowed brow as if to say “You poor thing.” Everyone asks me why my daughter chooses to live in Spain and then they ask, “How can you stand it?”

My polite answer is - it’s not my choice to make. I want my children to be happy wherever they live. Of course it is challenging, and a simple text can elevate my mood more than a double expresso, but why should I spend my free time pining for her to come home? She is home.

We raise children to be independent, and then when they exercise their right, we can’t say, “Hold on there, missy. What about me?”  It’s not about me.

The movie “Brooklyn,” now showing at the Movies at Midway, is about a young Irish girl who leaves her family for a new life in America. She falls in love with an Italian. The mother expects her daughter to live with her since she is widowed. Set in the 1950s, it is a reminder to me that families on all continents have shared similar fates for generations. I enjoy talking to those friends whose children live abroad because they understand how I feel.

When my daughter was a young teen, I recall saying, “I don’t know how to make her happy.”  And this wise friend said, “It’s not your job to make her happy.  It’s her job to make herself happy.” My daughter has lived happily in Japan, Thailand, Australia and now Spain.

Now our retirement years allow us to focus on ourselves, our significant others, and our friends. Didn’t we expend enough energy on our children’s needs while they were young? Our children hope we enjoy our retirement years. And if they are reading this column, we still want you to call or text or FaceTime or WhatsApp us anytime. Day or night.