Should I hydrate or irrigate myself?
Teachers and those in the media market spend a percentage of quality time dispensing globs of what Bob Dylan called “useless and pointless knowledge.” I call it common knowledge freely available, followed by advice - a prescription for behavior - so obvious that even those perpetually bewildered seem to get it.
You know those people with a pasted-on expression like they’re trying to solve a quadratic equation. “Don’t leave your dog outside with no shade and no water during the heat wave, and runners, don’t take your black lab on a 10-mile run. He may stroke out on you.” I heard a television person offer this advice: ”Make sure to irrigate yourself, dress in light-colored clothing and check on your elderly neighbors even if they have never spoken to you and have several NRA stickers pasted to the front door.”
Overindulgence in drugs and alcohol is bad, so I’ve heard, but the addicted-to-fitness, goal-oriented calorie counters and chronograph wearers are also pretty delusional. A couple hundred runners ages 8 to 80 lined up for the YMCA 5-Miler on July 23 and tell me honestly, was that a good idea? And don’t run back up on me with, “Yeah, well you can’t do it.” Actually, if I could, I would. I loved the feeling of near heat exhaustion, seeing black spots, skin all clammy; it lets you know you're alive by letting you see how close you really are to death.
Millennium Maloomian - Every thousand years or so, a middle school golfer comes along who actually finds his way into my column because he is that good and also plays lacrosse and wrestles.
Brock Maloomian of Beacon Middle School, playing in the Philadelphia Junior Tour July 22 in temperatures over 100 degrees, captured the 9-hole division at Maple Dale shooting a 38 (plus 2) on the back nine.
Combined with his wins at Garrisons Lake July 23 and Wild Quail July 24, Maloomian swept the Philadelphia Junior Tour Oakley Dover Series with a three-day combined score of 116. One highlight of the series was his birdie on the eighth hole at Wild Quail, allowing him to get back to two over par and win on that day by one shot.
Maloomian is a seventh-grader at Beacon. His home course is Kings Creek Country Club. The Junior Tour includes girls and boys ages 10-12.
Oakley feat remembered - I create this scenario of local sports celebs trying to get a chair in a limited seating VIP banquet room.
Some go right in; others are waitlisted while still others are sent to Route One with directions to Popeye’s. “Pete Oakley, 2004 Senior British Open winner, shot four under and beat Tome Kite and Eduardo Romero by one stroke.” Pete is the keynote speaker. “Dave Frederick, voted MVP Philadelphia Catholic League football and basketball 1964.” “Get out! Don’t forget your Popeye’s pass with preferred seating in the Bluto room.” Bluto later changed his name to Brutus and began to wear purple.
What was that all about? But seriously, and don’t call me Shirley, what athletes get into the Sussex County VIP banquet room? Send me your nominations so I can wantonly reject whoever, whenever I want. There will also be a famous relatives’ room.
Semi-tough - In America there is no tougher sport for young men than football. I hear coaches who graduated from college three years ago tell me that athletes - we’re talking males here - are not as tough as they used to be, to which I respond, “Athletes haven’t been really tough for a long time, although find a former player who admits it.” “You think I’m soft now, you should have seen me in high school.” I can size up the toughness on a male adult instantly; to me it is obvious, just like it was on the gridiron. Football is the first sport a multi-sport athlete will bail from just because it is so rigorous and physical.
I’m hearing more bailing stories this summer than the dock master at a Pot-Nets marina. That’s cool, but on Friday night when your boys go to battle, go catch a movie.
Snippets - Cape basketball coach Stephen Re, who must immediately cease and desist from calling me Mr. Frederickson, is running a basketball camp for grades five through eight at Cape Henlopen High School. The camp runs from 9 a.m. to noon, Monday to Friday, Aug. 1 to 5. The cost is $30. The camps will be instructional and stress fundamentals, and games will also be played. Coach Re is looking for 25 to 35 athletes to sign up. Call Re direct at 410-430-7852 or call the high school at 302-645-7711 and whoever answers, say, “Let’s talk camps. Fredman sent me.”
