Age is just a number, but one’s title is no joke
At first I was a miss, as in, “Have a great holiday, miss.” It was kind of cute and very flippant at times. It could be construed as almost flirtatious. It was just so breezy and relaxed.
Years later, I was often called a lady, which I didn’t mind too much; it was used in the context of, “Hope you have a great holiday, lady.” There was nothing detrimental in it, just a simple request. It was OK, as long as it wasn’t spoken like Jerry Lewis in one of his comedies when he screams, “Hey lady!!!”
But now I am a ma’am, as in, “Be safe this holiday, ma’am.” It is said with respect, much like a salute to a female drill sergeant in the military. Or at the very least a warden in a women’s high-risk penal facility.
I don’t know when it happened, the change from a carefree, let’s have fun Doris Day ice skating on Moonlight Bay title to being firm about the respect due someone who is obviously suffering from hemorrhoids. But I don’t like it.
I guess as we age, everyone’s priorities change and that goes to how we view others. I know I used to be very focused on frequent flier miles, and now I am obsessed with those cards that have places where you get those little round circles punched when you use them. Eventually after reaching 50 holes you get a free set of shrimp forks or a meatball submarine.
Most of these remarks about senior titles come from millennials. I can’t even say or spell the word. But I do know that by definition if refers to a group of people by their birth year specifically those born between l977 and 1995. They make up one third of the workforce and 80 million of them will be coming of age soon.
I have a few children in my family that come under this category. And I mention this because in this holiday season it is impossible for them to conceive of the concept of exchanging gifts.
It is politically incorrect to show up at their house with a gift. The environment will suffer, global warming will increase as well as your carbon footprint. What were you thinking!!
It really has put me, the ma’am, in quite a quandary as to what to get them for the holidays. As you start to cross off those gift-giving items, you may hit a wall. It goes without saying that a certificate for a box of Omaha Steaks will put that home CPR defibrillator to good use.
I guess the next step is the title “madam.” I’m not sure how I feel about that since I assume you’d have to be British to be comfortable with this greeting, or at least have some semblance of class, and at this point, I can confidently say that ship has sailed. There is another path to earning that title, but I don’t think I should go into the other option. I simply won’t go there.
What goes with all of this is also the greeting, ‘You look terrific.” Somehow this keeps coming up more and more. I’m not sure what this is compared to, terrific compared to a Dalmatian?
I was in an antiquity museum in Chicago recently. And there was a sarcophagus on display with like a 2,000-year-old mummy inside of it. My friend next to me said, “Doesn’t she look terrific?” These are the same words she expressed upon seeing me a few moments ago. I didn’t know whether to lean over the Egyptian coffin for a better look or spit out my coffee all over the valuable papyrus scroll.
In any case, lady, madam, sir, all these title are a good thing, when every day above ground is a good day. It’s the holidays and any greeting will do.
