Take it to the bank, I'm winning the Mega Millions

I'm going to be a happy man Saturday, March 31. My life is going to change forever. I'm going to win the estimated $640 million Mega Millions jackpot. Take it to the bank; there is no need for you to waste $1 on a ticket because the cash is coming my way.

I'm telling lottery officials up front that I'm taking the estimated $400 million cash option.

Even with taxes eating away at the largest lottery jackpot in U.S. history, I'll still have about $300 million to put in the bank – won't the PNC tellers be surprised when I walk in with that big check.

Winning any lottery could be a life-changer, but there is no doubt this one will. I figure I have worked nearly 40 years – since I was 18 years old – and have made and spent just over $1.2 million; that's 40 years of toil. This win will be like gaining 250 lifetimes with one check.

So what's the first thing I'm going to do with my windfall? For sure, I'm going to give lots away to charity and family, but I'm also going to take a photo safari around the world and visit places that I've only read about in books (Antarctica and the Galapagos are at the top of the list).

I know that experts say the odds of getting hit by lightning – 1 in 280,000 – are much greater than winning the Mega Millions jackpot at 1 in 176 million. But, hey, someone has to win, and it's going to be me.

The drawing takes place at 11 p.m. Friday, but I won't stay up to watch it. I'll be sound asleep dreaming of the all the ways I will spend my millions.