It’s Black Friday today. That precious day when you can be the first online shopper to buy anything you desire. How about a Lightsaber Umbrella, one that lights up your face? The ad reads, “Your Star Wars-loving co-worker will have the coolest umbrella in the office, hands down.”
Just picture Amazon employees driving their little golf carts in circles trying to retrieve your merchandise while holding their LED canopies. The other golf cart drivers are feeling hollow and green with envy.
I can’t wait to buy my first Echo. You know, that little black box which sits on the counter and struggles to understand you.
“Alexa, I’d like to listen to Coldplay.”
“Today’s temperature will be 40 degrees and sunny.”
I have yet to be in someone’s home whose command resulted in the outcome they intended. My husband doesn’t answer me, so why should a canister be any different?
In the 1980s, I desperately wanted to buy a Cabbage Patch doll for my daughter. Young mothers would clobber other young mothers in the head while reaching across the aisle to grab these soft dolls who needed to be adopted.
Now that’s marketing genius. Every doll born in the secret cabbage patch comes with a birth certificate.
“Alexa, What is a cabbage patch doll?”
“I found this on the web. Cabbage is a leafy green, red, or white biennial plant grown as an annual vegetable crop for its dense-leaved heads.”
I found the true story on the web: “Xavier Roberts was a 10-year-old boy who discovered the Cabbage Patch Kids by following a BunnyBee behind a waterfall into a magical Cabbage Patch, where he found the Cabbage Patch babies being born. To help them find good homes, he built BabyLand General in Cleveland, Georgia, where the Cabbage Patch Kids could live and play until they were adopted.”
Today is unimportant, but yesterday was my favorite holiday: Thanksgiving – when my family comes together to dine in perfect harmony. Well, it appeared that way. One could draw little bubbles over our heads and fill in our personal resentments.
Mine might say, “I gave all of my good china, my Franciscan Apple dishes, to my nephew so I wouldn’t have to host this every darn year.”
His bubble might read, “Thank God, I don’t have to host this year! I’m ready to break her friggin’ dishes. I can’t wait for Black Friday.”
Today I am filled with gratitude for all the things I own and shouldn’t have bought.
Grateful to eat whatever I desire, as most of the rest of the world cannot.
What I like best is being able to afford the local produce, especially the variety of micro greens grown in Milton at Totem Farms. Rob Dick and Shauna Thompson are always smiling on Saturday.
Although the last Historic Lewes Farmers Market was Nov. 17, dear sweet Hattie of Hattie’s Garden will carry Totem Farms’ greens along with her own produce and many more products throughout the winter. Hattie and Alexa would agree. “Our goal is to advance local, small, sustainable farms and food artisans, and to promote the consumption of good whole food grown locally.”
Give those Amazon employees a break and let them spar with their umbrellas. Go outside and enjoy yourself.
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Lisa Graff's essays have appeared in Woman's World Magazine and the Washington Post. She resides in Lewes, Delaware. Reach her at lgraff1979@gmail.com. Find her on Facebook: Our Senior Yearbook: Cape Gazette, Twitter: @lisajgraff1 and her website: lisajgraff.com.
