Denise Rhone: Life in transition
Denise Rhone introduces herself as the father of three children, grandfather of eight and grandmother of three more.
Rhone recently moved to the Millsboro area and takes part in events run by the Rehoboth Beach chapter of PFLAG, a support organization for parents of gay and lesbian children. She said she moved to the area in large part because of its acceptance of the LGBTQ community.
She has become an activist and speaker, telling her story to help improve understanding of transgender people.
“I’m outspoken. A lot of that is because of what I lived,” she said. “Because I was taught to be ashamed of who I was for so many years.”
Originally from Watertown, N.Y., Rhone struggled for many years with her identity, working in a factory that had no transgender people.
“A lot of people don’t like me because of who I am. I was trained to hate trans people and gay folks when I was a kid. That anything that isn’t straight America is wrong. So I walked around for 20 years hating who I was,” Rhone said.
“I’ve been called every name in the book, but names don’t really hurt a whole lot. I’ve been threatened, and I just let it go. I had to gain their respect,” she said.
Still, change has been a long and difficult road. Rhone transitioned in 1997, at a time when public response to transgender people was far from supportive.
“All my friends walked away. Family members, some of them disowned me and haven’t spoken to me since ‘97. But I made a new life for myself. The first 30 days in the factory, nobody spoke to me,” she said.
Speaking about North Carolina’s recently passed bathroom bill, which restricts bathroom access for transgender citizens in government buildings and schools, Rhone said, “It’s horrible. It brings things back. I’ve been using the bathroom of my choice whenever I’ve been traveling. I think it’s a political thing more than anything.”
Rhone said she’s got broad shoulders, adding, “You can’t hurt me anymore.” Still, she said, “I hate the things that are going on because it hurts my children.”
Rhone said prior to transitioning, she went to work as a man and would live as a woman only in private, at home. She said her children found out before she transitioned to being a woman, but ultimately, they were supportive of her decision.
“I’m not like a lot of trans people who don’t consider themselves a dad,” she said. Some people, after transitioning would say ‘Now, I’m your second mother.’
But Rhone said that’s not for her. “I don’t deny anything I used to be. Everything that I was throughout life has made me into this person that I am today,” said Rhone.
She said one of the greatest things for her is watching people’s attitudes change. She recounted a time she shopped at the Rose’s in Millsboro.
“They see me up there all the time. They have all their dad T-shirts out, and I said, ‘I’m probably the cutest dad in Millsboro.’ Most people are pretty decent. Now, I have a community, I have friends. It overwhelms me sometimes,” she said.
Rhone said she refers to herself as a grandmother at the request of her son’s children.
“They said, ‘We know you used to be a boy, but we want you to be our grandmother,’” she said.
“I try to look at the positives, and people have asked me, ‘How did I make it through?’” she said. “But I can look in the mirror and say I love myself.”
