Summertime, and the living is easy. Seriously? It is right around the corner. I know the intent of some songwriter years ago was to create the image that because the weather turns hot, things will be simpler. And maybe they were back then, with visions of people swinging in hammocks, crowds at watermelon festivals, folks sitting in front-porch rockers on lazy days, and kids chasing butterflies.
These days, summer can be anything but easy. And it doesn't have to be anything major, either. It's called the summer annoyance factor, stuff that is bound to get under your skin, which has turned the consistency of a leather pouch. Normally you wouldn't give this stuff a second thought. Little things. Like sitting in front of someone in a movie theater who has a jacket with Velcro pockets, and he decides to open those pockets to search for his keys just when the killer is about to be identified. Like nails on a blackboard, it's enough to make you grind your teeth into little nubs that resemble tiny baked beans.
Yes, there is a whole list of these things. Take, for instance, the beach pass that you put on your car windshield. It could be here, where you purchase a pass at the state park, or any other beach along the coast in another state. The problem is, you have to remove last year's beach pass from the windshield. The directions clearly state you must remove last year's pass first. The penalty for trying to plaster over it is one week in a room listening to an aluminum siding salesman.
Keep in mind, the pass is glued on with a material that is bulletproof, and you couldn't remove it with a blowtorch. In fact, you would need some kind of heat-seeking tool, most likely only found to be in use by the Israeli army.
Now we can all agree the pass is well worth having; the beaches are some of the best in the country, and the price is certainly right. We don't have a problem with that, but broken fingernails, sharp gashes in the window and bottles of caustic remover are a problem.
The sticker is also in a place that is a difficult to maneuver around to; it is supposed to be in the left-hand corner of the windshield, usually behind a dashboard console. To remove the old pass and add the new pass, you should lie flat on your stomach on the hood of your car and hang your head over the open driver's door. Now lean in and apply either nail polish remover or another kind of agent that is guaranteed to strip the bark off a tree.
OK, after a reasonable amount of time, you may smash the window with a hammer, glue the pieces together, stick on the pass and reinstall the windshield. You won't be concerned after this, since your main worry will be the carpal tunnel syndrome you've acquired.
It happens on those summer plastic glasses too. There usually is a price sticker on the bottom of the lens, welded on for eternity. It's a shame because the glasses are festive in colors and painted with images of crabs and flip-flops. But instead of throwing your head back and laughing with your in-laws, all you can see is the bottom of the lens with $5.99 on it tilted toward your mother-in-law's mouth. These things take on a life of their own. The positive thing is that this only solidifies in your mother-in-law's mind what a shoddy housekeeper you are – so look on the bright side.
We have to remember that the image is of summer being easy, but the reality is a lot of work. And to put it in another songwriter's words, "We've only just begun. "
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Nancy Katz has a degree in creative writing and is the author of the book, "Notes from the Beach." She has written the column Around Town for the Cape Gazette for twenty years. Her style is satirical and deals with all aspects of living in a resort area on Delmarva.
