In the Cards

It’s holiday card time once again! Since we stopped sending them out years ago (after decades of overkill, complete with original, rhymed updates on Steve, me and each of the kids tucked into every card), I don’t know why I remain surprised (and, truth to tell, just a tad miffed) that our mailbox is a little emptier every December. We are crossed off list after list as the years go by, and nowadays the jolliest card we receive is from our realtor, who sold us our current abode--back in 1989. She annually takes this opportunity to wish us a Merry Christmas, and also to wonder if we’re “ready to sell.”  

How DARE friends and fam stop writing greetings to the Oreland Seyfrieds, even knowing there will be zero response for us? Next thing you know, we’ll stop getting thoughtful gifts from people we no longer buy gifts for!! What the heck? Whatever happened to “no strings” generosity, I ask?

But fortunately, even without our Yuletide purchases, the card industry is still thriving. It is offering writers (including moi) a great opportunity. Did you know that most of the major companies (American Greetings, etc.) hire freelancers to pen clever/heartfelt messages for their cards? And the pay per line of text is actually pretty good! So, I’m adding to my Writing Goals for 2025: Pitch Hallmark (“pitch” as in “send a proposal to,” not “pitch” as in “get rid of.”) As I have several other big projects to complete in the next couple of weeks, I’ll need to wait until January to buckle down and submit a few literary gems as my “audition.”

But I have begun jotting some ideas in my trusty writer’s notebook, and this is your lucky day! In the beneficent Spirit of Christmas, I have decided to share them with YOU, dear readers!! Enjoy!! (and please don’t spill the beans to Hallmark!)

WISHING YOU A BLESSED CHRISTMAS!

I do not expect a card in return, unless you’re the nice person I always thought you were

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIEND!

Remember—you’re not quite as old as you look! Or feel!

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GRADUATION!

And best of luck with that Masters degree in decorative napkin folding

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND—HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

I do not expect a card in return. That romantic week in Aruba I’m expecting you to surprise me with, is gift enough

GET WELL SOON!

So you have energy to return to the remorseless, thankless grind of daily life

WELCOME BABY!

Hope your adorable cooing takes Mommy and Daddy’s minds off the exorbitant cost of your education, and their exhausting 24/7 responsibility for your care

SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!

There is a unique grief in the death of the goldfish you won at a carnival last week

THINKING OF YOU!

And just hoping, someday, I’ll remember WHY I am

ARE YOU READY TO SELL YOUR HOME?

Call me at 1-888-888-000024

…and Happy Holidays!

Wish me luck! (Send me a card, if you think of it!)