Is airport security system worth the trouble?

One of the great joys of the world, rivaling even the pleasures of dental surgery, comes with navigating that marvelous modern gauntlet known as: airport security.

Preparing for a long weekend getaway, we arrived at the airport about two hours early. Plenty of time for a domestic flight. That’s what we thought.

We got in line for the security check. It wasn’t so bad. I didn’t even have to take off my belt, which always makes me feel like I’m undressing in front of strangers.

I met my wife and son on the other side, but there was a holdup for my son’s fiancée. We had mistakenly booked the flight using her nickname, which, according to the Transportation Security Administration officers, didn’t match closely enough with the name on her ID card.

She had other ID with her, plus mail she received at home. Not good enough.

They told us we had to go back to the airline and get them to print a new boarding pass

I wasn’t too concerned. We still had time, a little over an hour. Not a big deal, I thought.

Oh yes, it was.

The airline refused. We had made a mistake, we were told repeatedly. We had given the wrong name. They could not just change the name on the boarding pass, despite the fact that my son’s fiancée, Maggie, was traveling with three other people whose IDs matched up perfectly.

Because, you know, security.

But if Maggie represented some kind of security threat, by definition, so did we. We were vouching for her.

There was a solution, fortunately. Fortunately, I mean, for the airline. If we paid $200, we were told, they could print us a new boarding pass with the legal name.

In recent years, I know, airlines have struggled financially. I have one suggestion. They need to find a new vendor for ink and paper, because, apparently, their office supply costs are way out of control.

Two hundred bucks for a piece of paper! Seriously?

Okay, in fairness, I should also include the labor costs associated with typing in a name on the computer. For all I know that airline staffer could be paid as much as LeBron James.

(Which makes me think: Since I often type 800 or more words for my column, I figure I should be paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $40,000-$50,000 a pop. I am, however, willing to negotiate.)

Here’s what I don’t understand. If TSA considered her a security threat before, why does paying $200 solve that problem? She’s still the same person who, in their eyes, tried to get on the plane under false pretenses. The new boarding pass might solve a paperwork problem, but not a security threat.

Here’s the kicker. At home, I checked the TSA website page entitled “Acceptable IDs.”

Here’s what it said (last updated Feb. 13, 2015):

“We understand passengers occasionally arrive at the airport without an ID, because of losing it or inadvertently leaving it at home. If this happens to you, it does not necessarily mean you won’t be allowed to fly. If you are willing to provide additional information, we have other ways to confirm your identity, like using publicly available databases, so you can reach your flight.”

So why wasn’t that done in Maggie’s case? She had ID, she provided additional information; her identity is readily available on public databases.

Am I to believe these were conscientious TSA officials working diligently to keep our skies safe? Or were they low-level bureaucratic bozos hassling a young woman because they could?

I’m not discounting the need for all airport security, but we’ve erected a Security State all out of proportion to the actual threat.

Yes, threats exist. They don’t begin, however, to reach the level of danger associated with, say, stepping out your front door and retrieving the morning paper.

As I learned last week when I slipped on the ice. Or should I say almost learned?

Because not 12 hours later I managed to slip on the ice again going out the back stairs to walk the dog.

That one hurt. And hopefully that time I learned. In 2011, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website, more than 30,000 people in the U.S. died from unintentional falls.

That’s 10 times the number who died on 9/11.

Bizarrely enough, there’s evidence that TSA’s airport security has resulted in more deaths.

The reason is simple. Going through airport security is unpleasant, which encourages people to drive. A 2012 Bloomberg article titled “Airport Security is Killing Us” had this to say: “To make flying as dangerous as using a car, a four-plane disaster on the scale of 9/11 would have to occur every month.”

The article also noted, “Since 2000, the chance that a resident of the U.S. would die in a terrorist attack was one in 3.5 million.”

And yet we tolerate this security nonsense because of our intolerance for even extremely low-level risks. In Washington now, they’re fighting over funding for the Department of Homeland Security, which includes TSA.

It wouldn’t be a bad thing if they gutted the whole department.